Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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