Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
