I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
