Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
