Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
