That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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