You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
