so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
