I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
