You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
