Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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