I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
