im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
