If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sober January is a disaster.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
