the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I had to cum in my sink.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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