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• (815): View more from Illinois

  i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.

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• (516): View more from New York

  There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face

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• (779): View more from Illinois

  Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.

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• (845): View more from New York

  I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.

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• (845): View more from New York

  Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.

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• (475): View more from Connecticut

  Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed

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