i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
there was a trapeze. enough said
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
