the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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