Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
