I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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