bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
