Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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