if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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