Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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