Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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