Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
