i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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