You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
