I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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