i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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