Where did you get a picture of my penis
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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