My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
