i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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