he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
