I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
