Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
