last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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