so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
