He kissed a someone with a penis
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
