We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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