the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Actions speak louder than pants.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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