chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
