You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
