You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
