..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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