I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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