Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
