the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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