Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
