also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It was confusing and full of hummus
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
COCAINE IS GR8
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