no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
