i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
it's like iHOP with fire
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
