i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
