I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
