Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
