i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
