you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
