People in love make me want to vomit
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
