just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
