Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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